Zelda: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual
by Cowpie Surprise
Summary: Inspired by Theresa Green and opera13's Owner's series. Congratulations, you have just received your ZELDA unit!


CONGRATULATIONS!

You are now a proud owner of a ZELDA! In order to obtain top performance from your Princess of Hyrule, please follow the procedures detailed in this manual to use your ZELDA to her full potential.

Editions:

Your ZELDA should arrive fully assembled. Please check that you have all her accessories and that you have been issued with the edition of ZELDA that you ordered, as there are many: (All are property of Nintendo)

1. Edition I ZELDA (1986) _The Legend of Zelda_

2. Edition II ZELDA (1987) _Zelda II: The Adventure of Link_

3. Edition III ZELDA (1991) _The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past_

4. Edition IV ZELDA (1998) _The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time_  
Note: This is the Young Version

5. Edition V ZELDA (1998) _The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time_  
Note: This is the Older Version

6. Edition VI ZELDA (2000) _The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask_  
Note: This is the Young Version

7. Edition VII ZELDA (2001) _The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Seasons_

8. Edition VIII ZELDA (2001) _The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Ages_

9. Edition IX ZELDA (2002) _The Legend of Zelda: Four Swords_

10. Edition X ZELDA (2002) _The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker_

11. Edition XI LINK (2004) _The Legend of Zelda: Four Swords Adventures_

12. Edition XII LINK (2004) _The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap_

**Special Editions**

13. Edition XIII ZELDA (1998) _The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time_  
Note: This is SHEIK, ZELDA's alter ego.

14. Edition XIV ZELDA (2001) _Super Smash Brothers Melee_

15. Edition XV ZELDA (2001) _Super Smash Brothers Melee_  
Note: This is SHEIK, ZELDA's alter ego.

16. Edition XVI ZELDA (2002) _The Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker_  
Note: This is TETRA, ZELDA'S alter ego.

**New Editions to be Released**

17. Edition XVII ZELDA (2006) _The Legend of Zelda: Twlight Princess_

18. Edition XVIII ZELDA (2007) _Super Smash Brothers Brawl _(unconfirmed, but most likely)

Description:

ZELDA is a beautiful young girl or woman. Editions I-III have brown hair, later versions have blonde. She often wears a royal gown of white or another pale color (sometimes with a royal crest), and jewelry including the ornate earrings which are a traditional Hylian accessory.

Accessories

Your ZELDA should arrive fully assembled. ZELDA uses magic, and should not have any items.

If you wish to purchase more items for your ZELDA, you can buy them through your distributor or another store.

Operating Procedure

Your ZELDA unit is designed to be user-friendly and efficient. She is controlled by voice commands. Please state your instructions to her clearly in English.

Uses

Your ZELDA is a being with many talents that can help you around the house:

Bodyguard:

ZELDA is an experienced conjurer of spells and can use her magic to protect you to the death.

Mediator:

In an argument, ZELDA can play ref or judge. She was gifted with great judgemnt, and can help you in difficult situations.

Musician:

This only applies to the SHEIK model. SHEIK can play the harp superbly, and will help with baby-sitting and you need an annoying kid to shut up.

Sailor/Fisher:

This only applies to the TETRA model. TETRA knows about anything relating to water, and if you wish to do some sailing or fishing, TETRA is your number one buddy.

Prankster:

This only applies to the TETRA model, and is best recommended ONLY for Halloween. TETRA is extremely clever and can pull off many pranks that will leave you laughing for hours.

You can set ZELDA to EMOTIONAL SENTIMENTAL MODE, and she will instantly become quiet, as she will be remembering things from the past. This is best recommended if you want to take a nap and not be bothered. Otherwise, you can keep her on HONORABLE MODE.

For TETRA models, you can set her to PRANKSTER MODE, and she will help you plot for some dastardly deeds. It is not recommended you keep her this way for long; you may not know if she will turn on you.

Compatibility With Other Models

Your ZELDA's compatibility with other models may vary depending on the mode you set her to.

ZELDA gets along with any model except for the following:

GANONDORF

DARK LINK

RUTO

SARIA

MALON

Your ZELDA will actually be quite fine around RUTO, SARIA, and MALON if a LINK is not in the vicinity. If he is, she will instantly begin to fight for him.

Precautions

Do not expose your ZELDA to strong magnetic fields, electricity or excessive humidity.

It is best to buy a ZELDA if you live in a suburban/rural area. In the big city, your ZELDA may become confused and have the urge to run for it. If you order her and live in a major city, it is at your own risk.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: My ZELDA keeps twirling around, as if she's dancing. She only does it once, and when she's finished, she just looks about her, mutters a curse, and continues on. Then she'll try it again later. What's going on?

A: ZELDA is with no doubt trying to transform into SHEIK. This, however, is impossible, as your ZELDA model will always be ZELDA. You can reset her with the button on her back and she will stop.

Q: If any man with dark skin or red hair comes near ZELDA, she will scream and then attack him. Why?

A: ZELDA is programmed to remember GANONDORF as the bad guy, and she probably thinks it is him. ZELDA is obedient, so if you tell her over and over it's not GANONDORF, she will listen and come back to you.

Q: Why is it that ZELDA will be doing her normal routine, stop, and sigh dreamily, then continue on?

A: Obviously, ZELDA has her mind on LINK. You can buy a LINK unit (provided you keep him and ZELDA away from MALON, RUTO, and SARIA units), and she will be happy.

Q: My ZELDA eloped with my neighbor's LINK. Help!

A: You can use the warranty for your ZELDA and get another one from your distributor, or you can just sit and let your ZELDA be gone forever.

Any consumers with other questions can contact your distributor or call 1-800-MAJ-ESTY.

Amusing Situations

1. If you get LINK, MALON, SARIA, and RUTO units, you can watch ZELDA and the other girls fight over LINK!

2. If you get one of ZELDA's alter egos (SHEIK or TETRA) you can watch them stare at each other in wonder!

3. If you buy the LINK, GANONDORF, and ZELDA units, they will reenact the fight at the end of the Ocarina of Time as many times as you like.

4. If you buy the WIND WAKER LINK and TETRA units, they will happily sail and fish together!

Any consumers who have another situation may call 1-800-MAJ-ESTY. Our secretary will happily accept any situation.

Final Note

If you take care of your ZELDA unit, she will live around 30 years. The warranty is only for 20 years, and we apologize for the inconvenience. However, ZELDA is very easy to take care of and we are sure you will find satisfaction in her.


End file.
